Is my child’s anxiety ‘normal’?

Anxiety is a normal and helpful response to danger: it puts us into a mentally and physically alert state of “fight or flight” to prepare us to fend off attacks from predators.

We all experience the emotion of anxiety at some point in our lives. Adults recognize the symptoms of feelings of tension and fear, worried thoughts, and physical symptoms such as shortness of breath, sweating, or a rapid heart rate typically triggered by a perceived threat as anxiety.

In the modern age, anxiety still serves a valuable purpose. For example, the anxiety you feel in advance of an upcoming presentation is often the alert you need to be adequately prepared.

When recurring, persistent feelings of anxiety start limiting a teenager’s functioning in life, it may signify the presence of an anxiety disorder.

Sometimes a level of anxiety seems out of proportion to the actual threat. Many teens feel nervous about starting high school, but for some the fear becomes so great that it impacts the ability to function. Persistent worry can ruin the summer and they may shut down emotionally and verbally in their classes. Some may even try to avoid school all together.

“Anxiety disorder” is the term mental health professionals use to describe a group of conditions including panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, social anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder, and selective mutism.

It’s important to know that anxiety disorders are both extremely common and highly treatable.

Here are some helpful questions for you to determine if it’s time to consult a mental health professional.

There is a fine balance between adjustment to new circumstances and general uncertainty and being overwhelmed by anxiety:

• Is your child’s world getting smaller because they are avoiding things?
• Does your child complain regularly about physical symptoms such as stomach pain, headache, or fatigue?
• Has there been a sudden change in follow-through, punctuality, sleep habits, hygiene, school attendance, or grades?
• Do you find that you are adjusting your behavior to accommodate your child’s anxiety?
• Does your child seem more emotional, sensitive, defensive, or easily frustrated?

If you answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, reaching out to a counselor or therapist to conduct an assessment may be helpful.

Here are examples of teen anxiety we encounter and suggestions of whether or not to see a professional.

Example 1: Test anxiety

“My 13-year-old daughter gets extremely anxious before every math exam, obsessing about it for days in advance. Her anxiety peaks on exam days, and the relief she experiences post-exam is palpable. In spite of her nervousness, all of her exam grades have been A’s and B’s.”

Without  any other significant incidents of anxiety, this case doesn’t appear to be an anxiety disorder. Despite some discomfort, she performs well on the exams and her anxiety doesn’t linger after the test is done. Learning some relaxation techniques would be beneficial but professional help doesn’t seem warranted.

Example 2: Social Avoidance

“Our son is a sophomore in high school. While he’s always been somewhat nervous in social situations, he has completely stopped joining any social activities with friends or classmates. He claims to be happy staying in doing his schoolwork and watching videos online.”

Complete withdrawal from social life is a red flag in these circumstances. His life has gotten smaller as a result of his fear. When anxiety starts limiting  aspects of a teenager’s world, as is the case here, it is best to speak to a mental health professional.

Example 3: Graduation and beyond

The post-pandemic academic world is filled with uncertainty. Are pass/fail grades acceptable for a transcript? How important are AP, ACT and SAT tests?  How many kids extracurricular activities are necessary?

These questions and the lack of clear answers can be very distressing. If your child is avoiding homework or not attending school, or has closed down emotionally and socially, then it is time to see a mental health professional.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in treating anxiety disorders. Exposure therapy is often also used to help teens face their anxiety in a controlled environment. This enables them to face their fear with greater confidence.

We advise parents to seek out an anxiety specialist who is familiar with exposure therapy. Check the websites of the Anxiety Disorder Association of America (adaa.org) and the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (abct.org).

Here are a few questions to ask when interviewing therapists:

• What role does cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) play in your approach? (You will want a therapist that makes extensive use of CBT.)
• Do you use exposure therapy in your treatment? (Look for a therapist that answers “yes” and can explain how they utilize this approach.)
• How do you measure progress in using exposure in the treatment of anxiety? (Measuring progress is important.

1. You need not feel alone.
   According to the National Institute of Health, almost one-in-three adolescents, 31.9%,experience an anxiety disorder.
2. Don’t be surprised if your teen resists seeking therapy.
   After all, the last thing an anxious teen wants to do is talk about the thing that makes them anxious.
3. Your teen’s anxiety disorders may not look like anxiety.
   For example, your child may exhibit defiance, aggressiveness, manipulation, or other acting-out behaviors to avoid situations that make them anxious.
4. Remember, your teen can’t “just relax.”
   While you may experience anxiety as “no big deal,” your child experiences it as a very big deal…a persistent, negative feeling that they can’t control.
5. Don’t put off seeking treatment.
   The longer your teen’s anxiety disorder goes untreated, the more conditioned they become to escaping and avoiding their fear.

Merikangas KR, He JP, Burstein M, Swanson SA, Avenevoli S, Cui L, Benjet C, Georgiades K, Swendsen J. Lifetime prevalence of mental disorders in U.S. adolescents: results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication–Adolescent Supplement (NCS-A). J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2010 Oct;49(10):980-9. PMID: 20855043