The Challenge
When people talk about the importance of “self-care,” parents of kids with anxiety—who already give so much time and energy to their kids alone—might see it as just another task on an already full to-do list.
We all know self-care is good for our well-being, but it’s also an important lesson for our kids. They learn just as much from what we do as what we say. When we take care of ourselves, we’re showing them how to do the same.
But how?
Let’s redefine the concept of “self-care” and instead think of it as managing your energy. It is about finding a moment of mental and emotional relief in your overly-busy day.
Here are some quick and easy examples of ways to find a moment of inner calm in your hurried life.
1. Sleep: Your Secret Superpower
We all tell our kids how important sleep is, so let’s get ours.
Examples:
- Skip the late-night scrolling. (Hard, I know, but it wrecks sleep.)
- Read or listen to something enjoyable before bed—5 pages of a book you love, or a favorite song or even a few minutes of a podcast.
- STRETCH in bed, even for a minute or two before falling asleep. Try stretching one arm up while stretching the opposite leg down. Then switch a few times.
2. Fuel Your Body & Keep Moving
Small movements make a big difference.
Examples:
- Make a game out of how many steps you can get in your home while coping with children and chores. See if they will join in.
- Try a quick exercise session with your child—just two minutes of arm circles or toe touches can help everyone. If they’re not interested, do it anyway—they might join in. Either way, you’re showing them that taking a break is important.
- Eat something with protein in the morning to boost your energy and focus (peanut butter on toast counts!). Protein bars or shakes count, too.
3. Managing Stress Like a Pro
Life as a parent is full of stress—some of it unavoidable. But how we handle it matters.
Examples:
- Name your emotions out loud. Just identifying emotions can help you process them. Say, “I’m frustrated!,” out loud. All parents of an anxious child or young adult feel frustration, anger, and/or self-doubt. Recognizing these emotions will validate them.
- Build transition rituals to separate work, home, and personal time—listen to your music on the drive home. It may take time for children to stop objecting, but they will soon see that it is OK for you to have what you need.
- Alternatively, if you are alone in the car, try some silence to gather your thoughts and feelings.
- PAUSE and take two deep breaths before handling a tense situation with your child. These moments are genuinely hard to handle, and you’re doing an incredible job. Giving yourself a moment to reset can make a big difference.
4. Prioritize Personal Connections
We’re wired for connection.
But as parents, we often put our own friendships and relationships last.
Examples:
- Make time for your partner. Hold hands at the dinner table or give yourselves a knowing smile. Sit next to each other on the couch when the family is gathered.
- Try using topic cards at the dinner table. They are available on line or in toy stores, often. Each person picks a topic card and leads a discussion on a neutral topic, like “What animal would you be?” It’s a fun way to keep conversations light and steer clear of stressful topics.
- Make a date with a friend and treat it like a work commitment. Get someone to cover for you. You’re allowed to have fun!
Even small connections—chatting with a fellow parent at pickup or a neighbor on a walk—can boost your mood.
5. Set Boundaries & Protect Your Time
Remember, ‘NO’ is a complete sentence.
Not everything is your responsibility. Other people without anxious children at home can bake or make phone calls. Save your time and resources for yourself and your family.
Examples:
- If you’re asked to take on a school task or volunteer role, a simple go-to phrase, such as, “No, I can’t, but thanks for thinking of me,” can politely end the conversation.
- Ask for help when things feel overwhelming—lean into your support system. It’s hard to ask for help. But do it anyway. Rely on a neighbor to be with the kids for a moment while you run to the market. Ask a partner to fill in for a while.
A Final Thought…
You deserve to have a moment of calm.
It’s not wrong to take an emotional break and re-orient. Even in small doses, a quick stretch, a moment of silence, or a favorite song is your friend. If you would give this advice to a loving friend, give it (and accept it) for yourself.