Introduction
As a parent, it’s only natural to want to ease your child’s anxiety.
You might find yourself giving extra reassurance, avoiding certain topics, or adjusting routines just to keep things calm. These actions are loving and well-intended. But over time, they can become what clinicians call family accommodation—and instead of helping your child feel better, they can actually make anxiety stronger.
What Is Family Accommodation?
Family accommodation refers to the ways parents and other family members change their behavior to prevent or reduce a child’s distress from anxiety.
These changes often feel harmless—or even helpful—at first. But they can quickly become part of the anxiety cycle.
Here are some common examples:
- Texting your teen throughout the day to make sure they’re okay
- Answering repeated “what if” questions to ease worry
- Letting your child skip school, events, or meals when they’re anxious
- Avoiding words, topics, or places that might upset them
These actions are often done out of love—and in the short term, they work. They reduce anxiety in the moment. But in the long term, they can prevent your child from learning how to face fears, problem-solve, or tolerate discomfort. And when anxiety is avoided, it tends to grow.
How Accommodation Creeps In
Family accommodation usually develops gradually.
What starts as a one-time reassurance turns into a routine. A few skipped activities become a new normal. It’s not always easy to spot—especially when you’re trying to keep the peace or prevent a meltdown.
It’s also emotionally hard to stop. Watching your child struggle is painful, and pulling back on support can feel like you’re abandoning them.
Shifting from Accommodation to Empowerment
Reducing accommodation doesn’t mean ignoring your child’s anxiety.
It means shifting toward strategies that help them build the confidence and skills to manage it. Here are a few ways to begin:
1. Notice the Patterns
Start by paying attention to the ways you may be accommodating your child’s anxiety. Keep a list for a few days without judgment.
2.Make a Small Change
Pick one behavior to change at a time. For example, instead of answering repeated reassurance questions, try saying: “You’ve got this—what do you think?”
3. Prepare for Pushback
Anxiety doesn’t like change. Your child may become more distressed at first. That’s expected—and temporary. Stay calm and consistent.
4. Get Support
Reducing accommodation can be emotionally draining for parents. A therapist trained in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or exposure response prevention (ERP) can guide you through it.
Final Thoughts
Family accommodation comes from a place of love—but when it becomes a habit, it can unintentionally keep anxiety in charge.
By making small, thoughtful changes, you’re not taking away support—you’re giving your child the tools they need to face life with more confidence. And that’s one of the most powerful gifts you can offer.